Repetition

It is eternal because the same remains.

Christmas Lights

The Christmas lights are up

I am in the mood,

Alright.

Have they always

Twinkled like that

Or do they 

Because it parallels

My own delight.

They are the same

While my eagerness

To stop,

Observe and smile

Has me burning 

On the inside.

Under pressure I am

A snowball 

Of anger

Outbursts
Often

Out of control

I am the same

But the difference

This year

I forgive myself

Like others

In the long stretch

In my lasting search

Of what matters

And I have you

As seed 

To my everyday glee.

It is Christmas time

The lights are up

This time, I am looking up.

A love like this

Tell me 

What I do not hear

Interpret

The kisses

And that smell

Behind the ear

Hug my sins

Fondle my skin

That enslave my fears

Tell me it exists

My love

A love like this. 

Sushi

It is all I ever wanted
With you
To sit and wait
In this crowded space
Waving in vain
To the waiter in distress
And I crack up
To calm you down
No need to fret
His smile tender
Once we place our order.

Between bites
And overhearing
The couple beside
I bask
In delight
Eating
My obsession
While you carry on
With the conversation.

I pass by
Quickly catching this sight
I stand outside
At at loss it is not I
Savoring sushi at your side.

I walk past all I ever wanted
With you
You sit inside
Reveling in my sushi
With another one than me.

The right word

How well will I perform
Does it depend on the right word
Gushing
Aching to
Exhibit perfection
So that you will see me
In that vision

How will you respond
To the reflex of being flushed
That I constantly misspell
Was always told
I wrote well
Yet to you
I cannot concoct a clever thought

This is how I tell
I drafted it then
Rewrite
Again and again
Until at night
The imaginary recital
Would flood my head

I love you that way
That the words I send
Are never close to decent
For it is my heart you confuse
It is so loud
To silence
I am reduced.

Here and There

Were you there

When I fell

A broken bone

And I would not

Crawl out of my shell

Were you there

When I climbed to the top

Eyes teared up

With my pride

Overflowing the cup

Were you there

When I had nothing to share

Not to mark

Victorious days

Nor forget days that drained

Weren't you here

Only when it suited you

Done being busy

To squeeze in

A thought or two

I do not depend on

Just want to count on 

Your presence

Here and there

A mate that actually cares

I am here

And I would stay there

Time flies

But days will drag

If you are one.

Sequel

It is a wrap

He roared

The tone of his voice

Echoed

The ending unfair

When wished upon a star

May it have been 

Different

Now the director dear

Writing a sequel

When long it was clear

There was nothing else

The same actors

A similar decor

And the question burns

Is this setting worth revisiting

Hear the doubt

The first installment

Known to be difficult 

To top

There is a twist

He roars

The tone of his voice

Echoes

The resolution incomplete
My curiosity wins

Convince me

Let us shoot the rest of the story.

Drunk

I got drunk on life
This time, like every time
The old trick works on me
I am just happy enough
Until I have had one too many

Then everything is buzzing
Fuzzy thoughts and accurate feelings

I carry on
As if my gut still permits it
Before promising, I learned my lesson
From overindulging.

This time, I will be more vigilant
Life tastes delicious;
But I should sip gently
Unless it is yet another hangover
From decisions I could regret long after

Then everything is buzzing
Accurate thoughts and fuzzy feelings

Drink moderately, or else I will be
Easily intoxicated
On this plethora of life experiences
This time, I shall only get a little tipsy.

In love

Love can be described, but not explained.

Bounce back

Picking up
Where I left off
Back on a pattern
I am not even sure works
Still I stand here tall
A titillating thought
That yet another shot
The nth time might work.

The premise vacillates
Between what is felt
And how I judge it

What could be different
Will it finally be
If what has changed
Is me?

What only life
Can teach
What experience alone
Will reach
To bounce back
Is not always to start anew
But the chance to continue
And stick it out
Especially when full of doubt.

It is a comeback or not
All I have to do is
Show up

Back on the old road
Filled with a new hope.

Looking at me

I catch you
Looking at me
What do you perceive
It is rapture
That you read
Immediately
I spot my reflection
In the eyes of this baby
And as he grins
What can he
Possibly think
But I, I am certain
Of what I seize
When I look at him
The purity is
Overpowering
I could bathe in it
And my only plea
To succumb to it
May his innocence
-- Even a fragment
Rub off on me
Because he inspires me
To see and feel
With the virtuous eyes
Of a newborn baby.


.

Write again

I want to write again
I want to feel
Like I did back then
When my day depended
On the words I had chosen
-- The life I put
In my poems

I want to write again
I want to feel
The thrill of the pen
The delight that rushes through my veins
When the right words blend
The pain I endure
Once my thoughts
No longer make sense

I am exhilarated
When I start
Scribbling on paper
My heart at peace
As soon as I polish it
On my typewriter

I write again
I write
Like nothing ever happened
Like not a thing prevented me
Months at an end

I write again

I write
Because it is who I am
Because in time,
I always return
To my essence
-- That in the end,
Nothing feels quite right
Unless I am writing.

True Love

It all began on the night
I came back
Spotted one in the alley
Thought its bright pink
Had a pretty glow
In the dark.

Then I met one more
And another;
True Love spread
All over town
I would photograph
Each one
With my heart.

Starting to look for it
Proved to be
The wrong habit;
As it is written on the wall
That is when
I would least find it  --

And once I had forgotten
Out of nowhere
Someone out there
Made certain
It was now time
To be
Reminded.

True Love is everywhere
True Love comes
In all shapes and sizes
Eternalized
In the most symbolic places
On that brick
On a trash
At times spelled backwards
Others
With a message
I would cogitate on
Long after.

The last one
Was that kind
Its sense
Divine;

It read Love True
And in my heart of hearts
I knew;

What makes Love true
Is the way I love you.

Detour

I had been assured
God had a shrewd way
Of testing the sour
That paths would continue to cross
'Til I was able at last
To resolve
The implicit matters
Between us.
Time had passed
-- But
Time between goodbye
And the heart that says
Bon voyage
A second is eternal
I would wake up in the morning
Better each day
Though still in mourning.
I was holding onto nothing
Kept replaying the last thing
It was clear in my head
But when I saw you
What I felt
More shock
Than what I thought
was left.
Maybe I had to see you
This last time
To ferret out
Why you were never
mine
I was glozing over
Excuses
I never got
When all along
It was I
Who could call the shots.
Maybe I had to see you
One last time
A proper goodbye
After the one
You were not able to
Provide
-- For me to identify
That I had already let go
And I was certain
I could never live
Without your shadow.
God made me take this detour
However I was now sure
It was the right path
For me to come out
Victorious.

Again

You can feel yourself slip again

Your chest starts to tighten

And your thoughts slowly blacken

It is a subtle process but it is happening

Will it be worse this time, wondering.

You do not want to lie in that state again

A promise you make to yourself

Now and back then 

Every time you cry without reason.

But here you are, prating

Once again, to bury that side of you 

That will always be hurting;

Once you have creeped into the dark

All your broken pieces are terrified to go back.

But I tell you, whether or not

You are sliding into Hell's mouth

Once again and once more after that

I will be here pulling you back up;

When you are tired of looking for light

I will never tire of your fight.

Easily

Maybe she loves too easily
Yet she means it when she says it
Her heart on the table
For the person to devour it.

Maybe she loves too easily
She should see how things will evolve
Before flying, one has to first learn
How to crawl.

Maybe she gives herself entirely
That she should protect herself
So she will not be deceived
So briskly.

Maybe she gives herself entirely
And she should not unless she wants
To slowly sparge the pieces
Of yet another shattered heart.

    She gives her love too easily

    But when the ones she adores

    make it worth it

    It overrules

    All other times

    She ended up sobbing like a fool

    The only way to live

    To give is to receive

    She chooses easily

    Over carefully,

    Her heart

    For the taking.

#ootd

Carpe Diem is wearing your best clothes on an ordinary day.

Chronology

Marriage is not the end goal; it is the beginning.

Drafts

Flipping

Through my pages

Looking into

Previous phases

Most of them

Done

A few

I saw

Still

Blank

And in the middle

How I had forgotten

That in those

Pages

I had scribbled.

Confused

Because

Rest assured

I myself

Utterly unsure

Why would I keep

Drafts

Were they all in fact

daft?

Then
I grappled

All of a sudden
I remembered

 Did not leave

More feelings

On the page

To lessen the pain

That had me writing
In the first place.

Time had elapsed

And sometimes, I relapse.

Divided

Because

It was noted

Pulled from

Opposite corners

I was undecided

What is a piece

Without its end
Will I find peace
If I write the end

Time had elapsed

And sometimes, I relapse;

Should I

Work on the old

Or learn to

Let go.

Substitute

He steps out for air
It is time for a smoke
He craves the nicotine
Yet what he exhales
Is electronic.

It is Thursday night
Happy hour about to start
He is not allowed to drink
It has the same color
Apparently with the taste
Of what he is aiming for.

What then is the point
To root for a substitute
Is it so hard to swear off
We need familiarity that
suits.

A discrepancy between
What is and what seems.

Using this word to replace another
Perhaps one to soothe the torture
Finding excuses to justify actions
A lie in disguise enough to comfort.

He decides to go cold turkey
It is harder but at least
He is not pretending
He feels his truth, forgets the substitute
He learned what passive smoking means
And as of late,
Apple juice had become his drink.

Dance

Dance

Like you do not have a care

In the world

Dance

Like it is the only thing you care about

In this world

Of all ages

From many

Different places

We come together

Just for you

We become one

Tonight

For this music

We all love

To pursue

We are Generation Sven

You create the magic

And we are here

To dance.

Inked

The ink you have seen
My love for you
Rooted
Deep under my skin
There you remain
For always
I will be willing
To suffer

A temporary pain
For a permanent friend.

Limited

Only thirty-six
Choose wisely
The next shot
Will be
The one
Worth
Documenting.

Others
You will have to
Remember
Force yourself
To lock down
In a corner
Smiles
Landscapes
Dinners

Which one
Is good
Enough
To treasure.

Technology
Took that option out
Click away
Because
No longer
Are you
Limited
Go on
Take another
Until you
Satisfy
Your desire.

Limitless
And you
Thought
You would
Achieve more
Everything valuable
Will all be stored

But what irony

Now there is
Too much
Information
Drowning
And confused
About what is
Precious.

Rather
Back to
Limited
There is less joy
In limitless

Being deprived
You had more
By having one alone
It mattered more
Because ultimately

Rather
Chosen wisely
Than have
One too many.

Unfinished

I will not show it
Just yet
It is not ready
To be framed
Just yet
A work in progress
It is still a mess
She is fast
She peeks at it
Beams
And holds it
It is perfect as it is
Unnecessary to polish it
Because
It is already
Beautifully completed
Right now,

Unfinished.

Orange

My orange dress
I wore it last
That night
My soul you undressed

I was in love
With all of you
You stripped it down
Claiming we
Belonged to you.

I am reclaiming
What is mine,
What has always been
Mine

I take a vow
I wear it now
This dress I love
My color of love

Dedicate it to
Ours to adore

The one
Given from above.

Embellished

If truth needs a version, you are already lying.

The kick

Now she speaks,

My cold hands

Feel 

The warmth

Of his kick

Saying hello

For the first time

I am euphoric

For this nephew of

Mine

And already

I know

Since that first day

I prayed for you, I saw

Though we have not

Met yet

We are already

Connected 

And always

I will come through

Across this wall 

Of I love you.

Night Owl

The dark hours
Provide
My light
The best of me
Pops up
At night
A disco nap
Before I go out
Elated
Once the bass
Doles out
Energetic
'Til after dawn
I will continue
As long as
The music is on
And once I
Flit home
My morning song:
Streets in silence
Still playing techno.

Music

All meaning is lost, when
Traumatized
By what One loves the most
I could not listen anymore --
What had always
Made me feel alive
From then on
Left me
Trembling on the floor
Just a sound
I would break down
Just a bang
I would go numb

How do I brave on
When my reason
To be
Veered from eternity
To treason.

I could not, I reckoned
Unless I decided;
I still deserve the best,
I stated.

The path to recovery
Is a wretched one
But find one
Even a rose
With too many thorns
Equals a princess
That soldiered on

I discovered
That I was able to once more
Write lyrics
To the tracks
That set me
Back on track

That I alone
Can possibly
Understand

The essence of
Its existence
The true meaning
Of one's being --

Brick by brick
Building me up to the music;
So not only can I listen
But here I am,


Dancing again.

Seat taken

What about stability,
He asked.
This is it,
I said;
As I left my seat
Never turning back
My head.

A decade here

Here
Revisiting

Places and former feelings
Investing in a past
In the present that is
Anything but sad

I get some flashbacks and laugh
And others I ought to see past.

God willing

How I found myself
Here again
Still asking
How that could happen
However

No longer is my spirit broken

My life still filled with
Those memories

Though for a while
All they did was
Hinder me

Time and healing
Worked wonders

And I have been free

Today
Created moments
I can call my own
And mine alone.

As I peek at that past
Living
In the here and now
I am stoked for
What is coming up

Perhaps
A decade in the making

But maybe God wanted me thinking

My eyes have matured
But being a child at heart
Will forever be my nature.

Icy fire

In my mind

I go round in round

Bathing in fire

My heart for you never tires.

A sip of coffee

A sip of coffee

Disclosing my story

Pasting in this scrapbook,

All the photos of us

I took
Writing the captions,
I tear up with emotions

Eternity is a gentle caress

And I recognize

In the end,

There is nothing more

Real in life

Than

Momentary happiness.

In sickness and in health

We live in a world today where what we have is often mistaken with who we are.

BERLIN.bis

It is how I am
When I am here
It is what I hum
When I grab the music
It is who I struggle to be
Someone completely free
The one
I always imagined
I could be
In a dream
And in reality

The city reads
My thoughts
What I desire
And what I fought

Right here is Berlin
The one and unique
Where I can write
My uncut story

To be or to be

Happiness does not have to be explained to be real.

Us

I cannot really explain

What are we
If not honest;

We are so different

Yet all the same;

Perhaps just a little bit

Borderline insane

And put together,

How wonderfully in sync.

We do what we are

We are what we say,

We say what we think

We think
What we always do:

Love without limits

This is our dynamic.

Freedom is

This world of ours

In which

It is not hard

To be Us,
True to who we are;

I love and thank you

Because
I know with you,
I will

Always rise above.

Photo album

What we do not document are the things we adore to remember.

Home

As I lay beside you

Already sound asleep;

Press my hand against your back

I can feel every heartbeat. 

Had been longing so long;

I have finally made it home

Somewhere my head is at ease

In your house, all is quiet and calm.

I have heard the noises of the world

Privileged to see countries I did not even dream of;

Each leaving an indelible print,

God blessed me with more than I deserve.

For this reason alone, I never forget

The place where the journey began

I am one that will follow the sun

But wherever I go, I remember where I am from.

I make it a point to return to you;

And what I learn in our time apart

Means the world only once I am back,

For home to me will always be your heart.